Parenting by the Numbers: Word Problems to Show You’re Not Alone

By Kerrie McLoughlin

Sometimes when you’re parenting you just don’t have all the answers. Nothing makes sense and things don’t always add up. Here I present to you some parenting math word problems, and I’m curious to see your answers. No cheating off the parent next to you!

1.      If 2 kids raise their hands to go here and 3 raise their hands to go there, how many tears were shed by the ones who did not get to go where they wanted?

2.      If the household runs the dishwasher twice a day and the washing machine once a day for one month straight, how many hours will the parents have to work to pay the electric bill? Bonus: How old will the kids be when they are able to clean the house while mom eats her Dove chocolates in the tub while watching Netflix or listening to an audiobook?

​3.      The kids made $45 at a recent garage sale during two days of the adults doing hard work and sitting around waiting for customers. The adults made about $10. Why do we keep having garage sales?

4.      Mom spends $123 at the discount grocery store, $132 at the big box store and $21 at the regular store on grocery shopping for two weeks of eatin’. How much faster did the grocery shopping get done without children?

5.      If X, Y and Z activities (drama, soccer, Scouts) are all going on at the same time in the same week, each week, calculate the trajectory of exactly when and where Mom will lose her mind.

6.      Calculate the distance between your house and the nearest Starbucks. The nearest liquor store. The nearest chocolate shop. Now figure how much it will cost for Uber to take you to all three. Better yet, when will Starbucks join Uber Eats?

7.      If your son invites over one friend and your daughter invites over two friends, how quickly will the food in your home disappear and how long until someone is accidentally injured while roughhousing? Bonus: where is the nearest store where you can purchase earplugs?

Kerrie McLoughlin is a homeschooling mom of five who just moved from the city to the country and lives to tell about it at TheKerrieShow.com.

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